SoCal Driver Exam

[Death Cobra]

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in CA, here is a
copy of the CA Driver's Exam. And for those of you who do, study real
hard.

This is a new Exam. Since driving conditions (& culture) are unique in
CA you may not have realized that the CA Department of Motor Vehicles
has now issued a special Application & driver's test solely for the
Southern CA area.

2005 CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION

Name: ___________________ Stage Name:__________________

Agent: ___________________ Attorney:____________________

Therapist's Name: _________________

Sex: [ ] Male [ ] Female* [ ] Formerly Male [ ] Formerly Female [ ] Both

*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a
motor vehicle in any way?
[ ] Yes [ ] No

Please list brand of cell phone: ________.
If you don't own a cell phone, please explain why you don't:
_______________________________________________
(Use extra pages, if necessary)

Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead
[ ] Other ___________

Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that
apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Shaving (male or female)
[X] Talking on the phone (already checked for your convenience)
[ ]Lifting weights
[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[ ] Snorting cocaine
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
[ ] Discharging firearms/reloading

Please indicate how many times, while driving, you expect to:
[ ] a) Shoot at other drivers ___
[ ] b) Be shot at ___

If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:
[ ] a) Call the police to report the crime
[ ] b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the
news in a high-speed chase.
[ ] c) Call your attorney & discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company
for your 911 call not going thru.
[ ] d) Call your therapist.

In the event of an earthquake, you should:
[ ] a) Stop your car.
[ ] b) Keep driving & hope for the best.
[ ] c) Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones.
[ ] d) Pull out your video camera & obtain footage for Channel 9.

In the instance of rain, you should:
[ ] a) Never drive over 5 MPH.
[ ] b) Drive twice as fast as usual.
[ ] c) You're not sure what "rain" is.

Please indicate your current number of therapy sessions per week: ____

Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
[ ] a) Prozac
[ ] b) Zovirax
[ ] c) Lithium
[ ] d) Zanax
[ ] e) Valium
[ ] f) Zoloft
[ ] g) All of the above
[ ] h) None of the above*
* If none, please explain: __________________.

Length of daily commute:
[ ] a) Less than 1 hour*
[ ] b) 1 hour
[ ] c) 2 hours
[ ] d) 3 hours
[ ] e) 4 hours or more
* If less than 1 hour, please explain:____________________.

When stopped by police, you should:
[ ] a) Pull over & have your driver's license & insurance form ready.
[ ] b) Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 freeway.
[ ] c) Have your video camera ready & provoke them to attack, thus
ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit profit.

When you see a woman driver w/her arm extended out the window, it
means:
[ ] a) Her turn-signals are broken.
[ ] b) She is giving an indication she intends to change lanes.
[ ] c) She is drying her nails.

Which part of your car will wear out first?
[ ] a) The wiper blades
[ ] b) The seat belts
[ ] c) The horn

Automatic door locks are good for:
[ ] a) Security
[ ] b) Convenience
[ ] c) Messing w/the heads of people trying to get in.

The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:
[ ] a) Dark, poorly lit roads
[ ] b) Flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way
[ ] c) Revenge

If you are over the age of 75, you do not have to complete this test,
you are entitled to drive even if you cannot see, hear or move (just
like Florida).

too long to read