Bar Jokes

[Dungeon Keeper]

Originally Posted by: Filt

Some of these might be old...but I think that they're funny

Two guys are sitting at a bar, and one turns to the other and says,"I slept with your mother!" And the other guy continues to drink, and the man looks at him,"Didn't you hear me? I slept with your MOTHER!!!" The second man finally has enough and turns to the first guy and replys,"You're drunk, dad, go home."

(okay...this is a joke to tell others)
This guy walks into a bar, and up to the bartender. He says,"Bartender, I'll have a-"
"Bud light!"The bartender interupts.
"That's right, how did you know?" Asks the man.
"Gay guys always know."Replys the Bartender. Soon after, another man walks in and goes to the bar,"Bartender, I'll have a-"
"Skyy Blue!"The Bartender interupts again.
"Why...that's right! How did you know?"
"Gay guys always know."Replied the Bartender. Later that day, the Bartender went home, and a UPS man came up with a long package. He came up to the house and rang the...uh...(stumble with words, and ask someone untill they say Doorbell.) Hey, gay guys DO always know!

Three peices of string go into a bar, and go up to the bar to order a drink. The bartender looks at them, and tells them,"We don't serve STRINGS here!" So the strings nod and say,"Well, can we use your restroom?"
"Make it quick" So the string go into the bathroom and think,"How are we gonna get this guy to let us get a drink?"So they think and think and eventually wrap around each other, and go back out and order another drink. The bartender see's them and snaps,"I thought I told you, we don't serve string!"
The wraped up string look at him and say,"But, we're knot!"

(and, last but not least)
This guy walks into a bar and says,"Ouch!"

If you have anymore bar jokes, post em! I know others, but I can't think of them!, see, this guy agree's with me!

Guy walks into a bar, orders a drink, and notices a jar full of hundred dollar bills on the counter. He asks the bartender about it.

"Its a contest. You put a Benjamin in, and then you complete three tasks. First, you drink a bucket of beer. Then, you pull a tooth from the meanest dog in the world. Finally, you satisfy an old lady who's never been satisfied in her life."

The guy grins, thinking it'll be easy. He pays his money and gets a bucket of beer placed in front of him. After downing the whole bucket, he staggers out behind the bar to a stream of raucous barking. After a while, the barking quiets, then subsides completely.

The guy staggers back in. "All right," he slurs, "where'sh thish old lady who'sh tooth I need to pull?"

Guy sees a horse crying outside of a bar. He walks in and sees a jar of money siting on the bar so he askes the bar tender what was up with the horse and money.

Bartender replies "well we just can't seem to get the horse to stop crying and the money is from all who have tried and failed. whoever succeeds gets the jar"

Guy buys a beer and drinks on it. then takes out a $10 and goes outside. next minute the horse is laughing hystaricly.

Guy walks back in grabs his money, wishes the bartender a good day and walks off.

next week he walks by the bar and sees the horse is still laughing. He walks in and sees a new jar on the bar.

Bartender tells him "Well now no one can get him to stop laughing"

Guy orders, drinks, and then goes outside. The horse starts crying again.

Before he can take his money though the bartender says "I have to ask...how did you get him to stop crying? Then get him to stop laughing?"

"simple" the guy replied. "to get him to stop laughing I told him I was hung more than he was...to get him to stop laughing...I proved it"