| Simple Minds Is it funny? Or do you just think its funny? Post it here. |
04-14-2004, 01:06 PM
|
|
Grandpa DK
|
|
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 383
Rep Power: 10
|
|
Real Men, Real Roleplayers, Loonies and Munchkins
By Jeff Okamoto, Sandy Petersen, and lots of others
The whole thing started around 1983 or so at a party at Pacificon at the Dunfey Hotel in San Mateo in which the idea came up of classifying the different styles of roleplaying. They came up with four different types, which are explained below. Special credit goes to Perry Caro, Chris Guthrie, Rick Heli, Robert Allen, and Ken Kaufman, to name a few.
The Real Man
The tough macho type who walks up to the attacking dragon and orders it to leave before he gets hurt.
The Real Roleplayer
The intelligent cunning guy who tricks the constable into letting you all out of prison.
The Loonie
The guy who will do anything for a cheap laugh, including casting a fireball at ground zero.
The Munchkin
Need we say more?
=== Player Relationships ===
REAL MEN:- Real Men: Think they're brothers in arms.
- Real Roleplayers: Hide behind them.
- Loonies: Harass them with stupid suggestions.
- Munchkins: Say "I'm a Real Man, too!"
REAL ROLEPLAYERS:- Real Men: Protect them, on the off chance they may come up with something useful.
- Real Roleplayers: Sigh with relief to know they're not alone, and then get their characters involved in love affairs and death feuds.
- Loonies: Harass them with stupid suggestions.
- Munchkins: Say "I'm a Real Roleplayer, too!"
LOONIES:- Real Men: Ignore them.
- Real Roleplayers: Sometimes harass them back by taking a stupid suggestion and making it work.
- Loonies: Declare a pie fight at 20 paces . . . and cheat.
- Munchkins: Try to imitate the jokes, and fall flat.
MUNCHKINS:- Real Men: Attack them on sight.
- Real Roleplayers: Trick them into being cannon fodder.
- Loonies: Make reasonable-sounding suggestions that will get the Munchkin killed in an amusing way.
- Munchkins: Query, "What's a Munchkin?"
=== Over-all ===
Favorite FRPG:
- Real Men: Play original Dungeons & Dragons
- Real Roleplayers: Play RuneQuest III
- Loonies: Play Toon
- Munchkins: Play anything by TSR
Favorite SFRPG:
- Real Men: Play Star Trek: The Roleplaying Game
- Real Roleplayers: Play Space Opera
- Loonies: Play Teenagers From Outer Space
- Munchkins: Play anything by TSR
Favorite Post-Holocaust RPG:
- Real Men: Play Twilight 2000
- Real Roleplayers: Play The Morrow Project
- Loonies: Play Paranoia
- Munchkins: Play anything by TSR
Favorite 1920's RPG:
- Real Men: Play Gangbusters
- Real Roleplayers: Play Call of Cthulhu
- Loonies: Play a variant Spawn of Fashan
- Munchkins: Play anything by TSR
Favorite SHRPG:
- Real Men: Play Champions
- Real Roleplayers: Play Superworld
- Loonies: Play an extremely variant Spawn of Fashan
- Munchkins: Play anything by TSR
Favorite modern day/spy RPG:
- Real Men: Play James Bond, 007
- Real Roleplayers: Play Justice, Inc.
- Loonies: Play an unrecognizable variant Spawn of Fashan
- Munchkins: Play anything by TSR
Favorite King Arthurian RPG:
- Real Men: Play Chivalry and Sorcery
- Real Roleplayers: Play Pendragon
- Loonies: Play an extremely unrecognizable variant of Spawn of Fashan
- Munchkins: Play anything by TSR
Favorite Silly RPG:
- Real Men: Play Macho Women With Guns.
- Real Roleplayers: Play Toon/TFOS
- Loonies: Play them all, often simultaneously
- Munchkins: Don't like silly RPG's.
Favorite Attack Style:
- Real Men: Shout their war cry, and wade into battle.
- Real Roleplayers: Parry, counterattack and protect comrade's backs.
- Loonies: Throw their sword at opponent, then attack with scabbard and lunchbox.
- Munchkins: Leap in with secret 'twisted lotus' ninja decapitation strike.
Favorite Way to Die:
- Real Men: In battle, with boots on, going down swinging.
- Real Roleplayers: On deathbed, after lengthy dramatic farewell speech.
- Loonies: Laughing while jumping into a portable hole, and carrying a bag of holding.
- Munchkins: Die? You're kidding, right?
Usual Residence:
- Real Men: Wherever he hangs up his two-hander
- Real Roleplayers: Elsinor
- Loonies: Toontown
- Munchkins: Valhalla (after kicking out previous occupants)
Favorite Gaming Magazine:
- Real Men: Read The General
- Real Roleplayers: Read White Wolf
- Loonies: Read the last few pages of Dragon
- Munchkins: Read anything by TSR
=== Fantasy ===
Favorite Dungeon Activity
- Real Men: Fight Dragons as old as the world itself
- Real Roleplayers: Bluff the Ogres
- Loonies: Tell dirty jokes to Green Slime
- Munchkins: Do whatever gives the most experience/rip each other off
Favorite Melee Weapon:
- Real Men: Use Pole Axes
- Real Roleplayers: Use Rapiers and Main-Gauches
- Loonies: Use Stage Knives
- Munchkins: Use whatever gives the most plusses
Favorite Thrown Weapon:
- Real Men: Throw Spears
- Real Roleplayers: Throw Bolas
- Loonies: Throw their friends' magic items
- Munchkins: Throw whatever gives the most plusses
Favorite Missile Weapon:
- Real Men: Shoot Composite Bows
- Real Roleplayers: Shoot Crossbows
- Loonies: Shoot Catapults loaded with offal
- Munchkins: Shoot whatever gives the most plusses
Favorite Improvised Weapon in Barroom Brawl:
- Real Men: Use bare hands/tables
- Real Roleplayers: Use chairs, chair legs or pokers
- Loonies: Use plastic Pepsi bottles or toothpaste
- Munchkins: Use, you guessed it, whatever gives the most plusses
Favorite Improvised Thrown Weapons:
- Real Men: Throw Munchkins
- Real Roleplayers: Throw beer mugs, pool balls and rocks
- Loonies: Throw Nerf frisbees
- Munchkins: Throw whatever gives the most plusses
Favorite RQ3 Spirit Spell:
- Real Men: Cast Bladesharp 10 on their swords
- Real Roleplayers: Cast Demoralize on their foes
- Loonies: Cast Befuddle on their friends
- Munchkins: Cast Fireball
Favorite RQ3 Sorcery Spell:
- Real Men: Cast Dominate Human on others
- Real Roleplayers: Cast Damage Resistance on their familiars/themselves
- Loonies: Cast Dominate Human on themselves
- Munchkins: Cast Meteor Swarm
Favorite RQ3 Divine Spell:
- Real Men: Cast Berserker on themselves
- Real Roleplayers: Cast Heal Body
- Loonies: Cast Face Chaos on the Crimson Bat
- Munchkins: Cast Timestop
Favorite Alignment:
- Real Men: Are Lawful Good
- Real Roleplayers: Don't use alignment
- Loonies: Are Amoral Silly
- Munchkins: Are whatever gives the most plusses
Favorite Religious-type Character:
- Real Men: Play Paladins
- Real Roleplayers: Play Clerics
- Loonies: Play street preachers
- Munchkins: Play Demigods
Favorite Non-Human PC:
- Real Men: Play Dwarfs
- Real Roleplayers: Play Morokanths
- Loonies: Play a Dwarf-Elf halfbreed
- Munchkins: Play Asmodeus
Favorite Undead to Summon:
- Real Men: Summon Ghosts
- Real Roleplayers: Summon Wraiths
- Loonies: Send in an AD&D troll wearing a sheet
- Munchkins: Summon Cerberus
Favorite Way of Extracting Information from the Goblins:
- Real Men: Torture them
- Real Roleplayers: Cast Legend Lore/Telepathy/Mind Read
- Loonies: Tell puns to them
- Munchkins: Peek behind the GM's shield
Favorite Way of Dealing with a Dragon:
- Real Men: Slay it. Preferably alone and with bare hands. (Is this a trick question?)
- Real Roleplayers: Con it out of all its treasure, leaving the dragon (and the GM) thinking it got the better deal.
- Loonies: Summon the Sta-Puft marshmallow man.
- Munchkins: Kill it, make armor out of the hide, and then resurrect it as a familiar.
Favorite Demon/Devil:
- Real Men: Like Asmodeus
- Real Roleplayers: Like Cacodemon
- Loonies: Like Spiro Agnew
- Munchkins: Like Satan's grandfather
Favorite God:
- Real Men: Worship Humakt/Orlanth
- Real Roleplayers: Worship Issaries/Lhankor Mhy
- Loonies: Worship Hare Krishna
- Munchkins: Worship whoever gives the most plusses
Favorite Shield:
- Real Men: Wield two-handed weapons
- Real Roleplayers: Use a Kite Shield
- Loonies: Use a panty shield
- Munchkins: Use a Shield of Automatic Parry
Favorite Mount:
- Real Men: Ride heavy war horses
- Real Roleplayers: Ride palfreys
- Loonies: Ride sheep
- Munchkins: Ride heavy war tyrannosauri
Favorite NPC:
- Real Men: Like Tarl Cabot
- Real Roleplayers: Like Medea
- Loonies: Like Doctor Who
- Munchkins: Like Darth Vader/Teela Brown
Favorite Animal to use as a Familiar:
- Real Men: Have Black Cats
- Real Roleplayers: Have Owls
- Loonies: Have Slugs
- Munchkins: Have Ancient Red Dragons
Favorite Kind of Elf:
- Real Men: Like the Pinis' elves
- Real Roleplayers: Like Tolkien's elves
- Loonies: Like Santa's elves
- Munchkins: Like Storm Giants with pointed ears
Favorite Kind of Dwarf:
- Real Men: Like Tolkien's Dwarfs
- Real Roleplayers: Like Glorantha's Dwarfs
- Loonies: Like the Seven Dwarfs
- Munchkins: Like Earth Elementals with beards
Favorite Food to take on Expeditions:
- Real Men: Bring along iron rations
- Real Roleplayers: Cast create food and drink
- Loonies: Bring along aluminum rations
- ]Munchkins: No longer need food to live
Favorite Fantasy Author:
- Real Men: Read J.R.R. Tolkien "Lord of the Rings"
- Real Roleplayers: Read Robert Asprin's "Thieves' World" series
- Loonies: Read Robert Asprin's "Myth" series
- Munchkins: Read E. Gary Gygax
When they encounter a sleeping dragon:
- Real Men: Wake it up and THEN attack it.
- Real Roleplayers: Sneak away quietly.
- Loonies: Tie its shoelaces together.
- Munchkins: Kill it instantly and then carry off all its treasure in one backpack
Favorite Town Activity:
- Real Men: Drink ale in the tavern and start bar fights.
- Real Roleplayers: Drink wine in the tavern and talk to everyone.
- Loonies: Order watermelon daquiris and start food fights.
- Munchkins: Say "What's a town?"
Favorite World/Setting:
- Real Men: Play in Sanctuary
- Real Roleplayers: Play in Glorantha
- Loonies: Play in Southern California
- Munchkins: Play wherever has the most magic items
=== Science Fiction ===
Favorite Science Fiction Weapon:
- Real Men: Use Laser Pistols/Blasters/Light Sabers
- Real Roleplayers: Use Stun Guns/Tanglers
- Loonies: Use Thermonuclear Hand Grenades/Tripod Flamers
- Munchkins: Use smart bombs
Favorite Method of Handling Alien Monster:
- Real Men: Drive off the Bug-Eyed Monsters invading the Earth
- Real Roleplayers: Negotiate with the refugees from the evil Empire
- Loonies: Hitch a ride with Vogons
- Munchkins: Invade the BEMs' home planet and enslave them all
Favorite Science Fiction Movie:
- Real Men: Watch the Star Wars films
- Real Roleplayers: Watch "2001: A Space Odyssey/2010: Odyssey Two"
- Loonies: Watch "Spaceballs"
- Munchkins: Watch Star Trek-The Motion Picture
Favorite Method of Space Travel:
- Real Men: Use Hyperspace/Warp Drive
- Real Roleplayers: Use suspended animation
- Loonies: Use the Infinite Improbability Drive
- Munchkins: Push the button and it goes
Favorite Star to Put a Colony Around:
- Real Men: Colonize Beta Lyrae
- Real Roleplayers: Colonize Alpha Centauri
- Loonies: Colonize Cygnus X-1
- Munchkins: Colonize wherever gives the most plusses
Favorite Science Fiction Author:
- Real Men: Read Isaac Asimov
- Real Roleplayers: Read Arthur C. Clarke
- Loonies: Read Douglas Adams
- Munchkins: Read E. Gary Gygax
Favorite Monster:
- Real Men: Like the Alien
- Real Roleplayers: Like the Moties
- Loonies: Like the beach ball from Dark Star
- Munchkins: Like E.T.
Favorite Variant Human:
- Real Men: Play Heavy Worlders
- Real Roleplayers: Play Light Worlders/Spacers
- Loonies: Play Sex Androids
- Munchkins: Play Enhanced Humans with all the advantages
=== AD&D ===
Favorite Spell:
- Real Men: Cast Fireball
- Real Roleplayers: Cast Find the Path
- Loonies: Cast Otto's Irresistible Nose-Picking
- Munchkins: Cast Smite Ruler and Transfer Loyalty of Populace
Favorite Psionic Ability:
- Real Men: Use Body Weaponry
- Real Roleplayers: Use Shape Alteration
- Loonies: Use Sea Anemone Hypnosis
- Munchkins: Use Assume Godhood
Favorite Specialist Mage:
- Real Men: If they have to play a mage, they'll be an Invoker w/ lots of fireballs
- Real Roleplayers: Play Enchanters
- Loonies: Play Illusionists with ventriloquism, audible glamer, and spectral force; Conjurers specializing in create banana peel spell; or transmuters specializing in polymorph self into a random object
- Munchkins: A multi-classed abjurer/conjurer/diviner/enchanter /illusionist/invoker/necromancer/transmuter
Favorite Miscellaneous Magic Item:
- Real Men: Love Adamantine Claws
- Real Roleplayers: Love Repulsor Rays
- Loonies: Love +3 Kleenex
- Munchkins: Love Uru's Hammer
Favorite Potion:
- Real Men: Drink potions of Superheroism
- Real Roleplayers: Drink potions of Animal/Plant Control
- Loonies: Drink potions of Jell-O
- Munchkins: Drink potions of Deity Control
Favorite Ring:
- Real Men: Wear rings of Elemental Control
- Real Roleplayers: Wear rings of Free Action
- Loonies: Wear rings of Smurf Control
- Munchkins: Wear the One Ring
Favorite Stick (Rod/Staff/Wand):
- Real Men: Wield staves of Striking
- Real Roleplayers: Wield wands of Healing
- Loonies: Wield shower curtain rods
- Munchkins: Wield the Wand of Orcus
Favorite Armor:
- Real Men: Wear Plate Mail
- Real Roleplayers: Wear Elven Chainmail
- Loonies: Wear Horse Barding
- Munchkins: Wear powered armor
Favorite Helm:
- Real Men: Wear a Helm of Brilliance
- Real Roleplayers: Wear a Helm of Telepathy
- Loonies: Wear a Helm of Blindness ("Works great against medusas")
- Munchkins: Wear a Helm of 360-Degree Vision with Force Field
Favorite Glove/Gauntlet:
- Real Men: Fight bare-handed
- Real Roleplayers: Wear Gloves of Dexterity
- Loonies: Wear THE Glove of Michael Jackson Charisma
- Munchkins: Wear Gauntlets of Infinite Ring-Wearing
Favorite Footwear:
- Real Men: Wear Seven League Boots
- Real Roleplayers: Wear Boots of Stealth
- Loonies: Wear bunny slippers
- Munchkins: Wear Boots of Infinite Speed
=== Miscellaneous ===
Favorite Bar to Hang Out In:
- Real Men: Hang out at the Vulgar Unicorn
- Real Roleplayers: Hang out at the White Hart
- Loonies: Hang out at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe/ the Floating Vagabond
- Munchkins: Hang out wherever they don't get carded
Favorite Superhero:
- Real Men: Like Batman (The Dark Knight)
- Real Roleplayers: Like Jericho/Sandman
- Loonies: Like Bat-Mite/Flaming Carrot/Cutey Bunny
- Munchkins: Like Galactus
Favorite Modern weapon:
- Real Men: Use .44 Magnums
- Real Roleplayers: Use Walther PPKs
- Loonies: Use water pistols
- Munchkins: Use Infinite-Repeating Uzis
Favorite Actor:
- Real Men: Like John Wayne
- Real Roleplayers: Like Claus Kinski
- Loonies: Like Curly
- Munchkins: Watch Saturday-morning cartoons
Favorite Actor to play James Bond:
- Real Men: Like Sean Connery
- Real Roleplayers: Like George Lazenby
- Loonies: Like David Niven
- Munchkins: Like Roger Moore
Favorite Card Game:
- Real Men: Play Gin
- Real Roleplayers: Play Bridge
- Loonies: Play Fizzbin/Fungus and Fruitbats
- Munchkins: Cheat at Go Fish
Favorite Music:
- Real Men: Listen to Led Zeppelin
- Real Roleplayers: Listen to 14th-century madrigals
- Loonies: Listen to Weird Al Yankovic
- Munchkins: Watch MTV
Favorite Magazine:
- Real Men: Read Soldier of Fortune and argue about whether the ads are real.
- Real Roleplayers: Read the Journal of Abnormal Psychology and argue about the point value of disadvantages.
- Loonies: Read National Lampoon and ***** about how it's gone downhill.
- Munchkins: Read comic books and argue about whether Spider-Man should have married MJ.
Favorite Convention Activity:
- Real Men: "Do the Dealer's Room"/hang out in the con suite
- Real Roleplayers: Go to seminars/hide in their rooms and play games
- Loonies: Play video games/do hoax zines
- Munchkins: Run and shout and cut in lines
Favorite Gaming Awards:
- Real Men: Vote for the (new) Charles Roberts awards from 3W
- Real Roleplayers: Vote for the Origins Awards
- Loonies: Come in at the end of the Origins ceremony to vote on the Silver Hatchets
- Munchkins: Vote for the Strategists Club awards
Opinion of Board Games:
- Real Men: Love them
- Real Roleplayers: Think they don't offer enough options
- Loonies: Like to mix and match
- Munchkins: Can't figure out the rules
Favorite Type of Dice:
- Real Men: Like 20-siders
- Real Roleplayers: Use three 6-siders
- Loonies: Use 34-sided for everything
- Munchkins: Have them all, and like to roll as many as possible
=== Call of Cthulhu ===
Capsule Opinion:
- Real Men: Love the challenge of fighting the creatures
- Real Roleplayers: Love the challenge of avoiding the creatures
- Loonies: Love the insanities
- Munchkins: Think you should be able to play Great Old Ones
Favorite Skill:
- Real Men: Like Shotgun
- Real Roleplayers: Like Library Use
- Loonies: Like Head Butt
- Munchkins: Like Credit Rating
Favorite Spell:
- Real Men: Cast Bless Blade
- Real Roleplayers: Cast Elder Sign
- Loonies: Cast Pipes of Madness whenever possible
- Munchkins: Cast Control Cthulhu
Favorite Monster:
- Real Men: Like Deep Ones
- Real Roleplayers: Don't like any of them
- Loonies: Like Masters of the Universe Slime
- Munchkins: Like Azathoth
Favorite Type of Character to Play:
- Real Men: Play Private Investigators
- Real Roleplayers: Play Professors of Ancient Egyptian Archaeology
- Loonies: Play Red Indian Sex Maniacs
- Munchkins: Play Magic-Users
=== Paranoia ===
Capsule Opinion:
- Real Men: Think the weapons are OK, but hate the background.
- Real Roleplayers: Think the campaigns are too short.
- Loonies: Think the game isn't funny enough.
- Munchkins: Don't think the game is supposed to be funny.
Favorite Service Group:
- Real Men: Like Armed Forces.
- Real Roleplayers: Like Tech Services and CPU.
- Loonies: Like R&D.
- Munchkins: Like IntSec.
Favorite Secret Society:
- Real Men: Like Anti-Mutant, Frankenstein Destroyers, and PURGE.
- Real Roleplayers: Like Free Enterprise and Sierra Club.
- Loonies: Like Corpore Metal, Death Leopard, and Mystics.
- Munchkins: Like Psion.
Favorite Mutant Power:
- Real Men: Like Adrenalin Control.
- Real Roleplayers: Like Hypersenses.
- Loonies: Like Project Total Chaos.
- Munchkins: Like characters with the works.
Favorite Weapon:
- Real Men: Like cone rifles.
- Real Roleplayers: Like laser pistols.
- Loonies: Like chainsaws and anything from R&D.
- Munchkins: Like Plasma Generators.
Favorite Target:
- Real Men: Shoot Commie Mutant Traitors.
- Real Roleplayers: Shoot the Munchkins' characters.
- Loonies: Shoot anything fragile-looking.
- Munchkins: Shoot anything in sight, starting with the other PCs.
Favorite Mission:
- Real Men: Like to hunt down Commie Mutant Traitors.
- Real Roleplayers: Like to try to survive the briefing.
- Loonies: Like to place themselves under surveillance and report hourly.
- Munchkins: Like to attack a rival Alpha Complex.
|
06-10-2004, 10:31 PM
|
 |
badass Pk
|
|
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Trigun
Posts: 606
Rep Power: 8
|
|
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ay to long for me
|
06-15-2004, 11:19 AM
|
|
|
tisk tisk, short attention span
|
06-15-2004, 03:42 PM
|
|
|
I can't stop smiling. XD
|
06-19-2004, 03:13 AM
|
|
|
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by DK
Favorite Skill:
- Real Men: Like Shotgun
- Real Roleplayers: Like Library Use
- Loonies: Like Head Butt
- Munchkins: Like Credit Rating
|
!! 
I'd like to start a pie fight, but I'm more in the 5th category... people referred to this site for arcade purposes 
|
| Thread Tools |
|
|
| Display Modes |
 Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is On
|
|
|
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:13 AM.
|
